“Verbum sat sapienti.” -Terenz

There’s dust everywhere in this blog.. and that lightbulb flickers.. Ah well, I suppose I have no one to blame but myself. But tidying? Heh, nah.. no time.

What’s taking up my time? I don’t really know myself. My favourite theory at the moment is that the day has less hours than usual for some reason. In any way, the time since october went by like water.
Maybe that is also because the time has been so acutely intense. (and still is)

Even when I still had my head stuck in civil service I felt like it was the mountain of semolina pudding that you have to eat a hole through to reach Cockaigne with it’s flying roasted quails. However now, sitting on this cotton candy cloud, it looks as if everything that happened in the past was part of a huge alpine semolina massif, that was to be  traversed.
Everything that happened formed the human that fiddles about with his keyboard right now. If only a single domino had not been in the exact spot where he was hit by his falling neighbour – who knows, I might have become an entirely different person.

I have begun to study and its every bit as self-paced, relaxed and pleasantly scuffed as I wished my school to be since fourth grade. I had to eat a hole through the sugarless pudding of horrid teachers, wooden people and stiffened idiotic policies and now im in luck and breathe the fresh air of the other side.
But even brighter than the Alma Mater another Lady shines, the sun after the tunnel, as the outcome of five years of paresthesia. This semolina pudding was not only lacking sugar, it was salted. Caraway was added somehow and shards of glass. It also glinted in a shade of green.

But now I’m through and I am looking forward to the quails and the sun on my face and to whatever this sweetly smelling, brownish substance in that river over there is. Looks like Captain Morgan’s to me.

Prost!

Pic © Siamois

I ponder over the meaning of words rather often, and I don’t necessarily mean the carried over meaning. The german word “überreden” for example. It means “to convince”. It is made from the words “über” and “reden”, which mean “over” and “talk”, what a horrid word.
To overtalk somebody. What kind of an unlikable speaker would do something like that?

A respectful person would respect their own arguements as much as the other one’s, explain their opinion to the other and solidify it with rhe reasons and evidences that led them to hold those views – But always leave the final decision to the other.

To over-talk someone, to run them over with words, to cover them, to make helpless – How unfair would that be?

I always thought was done nicer in english. I took “to convice” apart as “con” and “evince”. “With” and “evidence”. That’s how I like to be, not over-talking, but giving evidence.

Now I had to learn that was wrong. Actually “convince” is made up from “com” and “vincere”, “firmly” and “to conquer”.

I dont want to talk over someone, I dont want to conquer. So what language do I choose?

Pic © Yukasu

Tonight I dreamed something that was simply wonderful.
Moschiacha said hello and I recognized her right away. That was so joyous, I have rarely ever felt that way.
It’s a rarity especially in my dreams. They commonly are either so downright meshugge that Salvador Dali would be envious or.. well painfully disturbing nightmares.
I ultimately denounced Dias and Gutho – so long ago that I can’t raise the slighest doubt in that – Is it not endlessly ironic that now of all times an angel would brush my cheek?

It is harmless, but it is not irrelevant. And it is denselier energetic than anything I have witnessed in a long time.

I..F..T.A.I.N
N.A.U.T.O

Awake I cannot hold on to the picture sadly, it just flows away and disappears into a white cloud. How incredibly alleviating to know that a perfect freeze frame exist in my subconcious still.

And you don’t even know how happy you make me.

Pic © henreki-san

This letter comes to late, I know. But I needed to take those years I did to get confirmation and to know for certain my feelings about you are real. Only now I can say this with all my passion and assurance.

We have known each other for almost all my life and we have had great times together. We have been together in depression and in joy and we never went far astray from each other. I loved you for that.
But, my friend, all that doesnt change the fact that we dont belong together.
I think you feel the same.
Eight years ago we sat on that bench in summer and had a long discussion. It was around that time that we realized that big yet unspeakable menace that was floating above our heads, ready to drop at any time crushing us, like the sword of damocles. We didn’t yet understand it, but we knew it was serious.
I think you suspected me of being the cause for it and I think secretly I blamed you. But in futile optimism we chose to cling to the idea that our surrounding was to blame. So we sticked together and left them all. And we marched to war.
And we survived.
We started anew, then. Built a new lie from those fuming ruins. And we embraced the lie. That lie tied us together well. But I never really stopped doubting, I know you didn’t either. So it was only expectable that we never really fit from that point. We shared a secret too horrible to share with anyone else but each other yet we had feelings of distrust towards the other.
Then there was this outside force, that rose from the piles of shit, like a sun. Bathing all our idiocity in glistening light. The sun was perfect, its was stable, it was flawless. So, one at a time we removed the pillars and braces from fragile clay that held our buildings barely and exchanged them with the flawless and sturdy pillars that sun gave us.
Remember when the sun, she moved away? When the clouds came and the rain.
When the storm tide came.
..When the house collapsed?

You told me it was my fault. You said I should have minded stability.  That it was my fault that I exchanged the vital parts. Yes, you said, the new parts were more stable, but we didn’t control them, like the old ones!
I blamed you. I said you made the sun go away.

And you did. You did, and therefor I hate you.
It was my fault to allow that all.

We are equally guilty. And that is why I think this is where our paths should split. I cannot take you anymore.
I am sick of you, and I know you are sick of me too.
Its hard to draw that line after 20 years, I know. But this is where it ends.

I wish i could tell you I wish the best for you, or that I love you. But both would be a lie.
Farewell and Namaste

Pic © Galifardeu

Yesterday I got back from the land of Haggis and bagpipes, physically at least. My mind is still somewhere in between. Somewhere short of the french border, I would guess. I had a really kickass time!

Holyrood Park - Nature right at my doorsteps

On the first day I had to get up really early. On top of that the night before was so warm and humid that I could hardly wait for the scottish weather and couldn’t sleep very well. So I ended up being really tired as I boarded the plane in Hahn. Almost all of the passengers were scottish people that had gone to the Rock am Ring Festival and the whole crew was scottish, too. And so I needed a couple of moments to get what the captain had said “We are heading towards some turbulences, please fasten your seatbelts.” When the plane dropped lower for a bit I got it anyways. And while I was sitting there, with a hollow feeling in my stomach due to the loss of pressure I was thinking how I had mindlessly risked my life for a couple of days of vacation. So, in my mind a vacation outweighs possible death, I realized. It was then when I decided to really make it worth it.

Scotland greeted me unkindly, my first step on the ladders of the plane had almost been my last, as the wind was so heavy I almost fell. So I dropped the idea of popelike kissing the floor quickly and rushed for the warmth of several shuttle busses, and then my room. I only left that to go to Tesco’s to buy the softest bread and the tastelessest crisps I had ever seen. A short nap I had then turned into a deep sleep that lasted until the next morning.

Tower and Obelisk of the New Carlton Burial Grounds

I was blown away with the breakfast the next morning. I didn’t expect something like that for the little price I paid. An amazingly large choice and everything was organic and fair trade – top notch! Envigorated like that I decided to go for a little walk in the “park” behind the house. That park turned out to be a huge piece of open nature, high hills and lochs. I just wanted to walk a little, but then I thought: Why not climb this hill here. Up on that hill I saw an ever higher one behind me, Arthurs Seat – So I climbed that one too. From atop Arthurs Seat I saw some nice looking ruins in the distance. So I went there. From those ruins I saw a nice lake with swans and, so I went there. I like that park so much, that I ended up going hiking there every single day of my stay, though my feet hurt increasingly much each time. On that first day I continued with this “Oh that looks nice, Ill go there” routine for another 8 hours and circled around the whole city three times. The weather had cleared up and I had a clear blue sky and a happy sun. That stayed like that almost all the time, pretty unscottish, haha.

Sweet Courtyard

I spend the evening in Auld House, a pub that had really tasty ales, a jukebox that played only metal, goth and punk and free Wifi. That was really a nice place to hang out. But the beer is really expensive over there – 3£ per Pint was the absolute cheapest I could find, normal was 3,70 or even more. While I sat in that pub I suddenly realized that it was actually thursday, not friday like I had thought all the time. So I had won a complete extra day of vacation without doing anything. Funny how helpful self-deception can be!

Northview from Holyrood Park

Later that week I went to Bannerman’s Pub for a black metal concert night with 7 bands, of which only 5 came. The music was actually really good, despite my expectations, but the audience was the most boring one I have ever seen. Except for a crazy bearded spanish man in the corner that banged his head a bit everyone was just standing about. The place was full with longhaired, hulky men, but no one moved. When I asked around if anyone was up for pulling their thumbs out of their asses and maybe concider moshing or at least poging a bit no one wanted to. Apperently they were all far too busy with eyeing around warriorlike and evil.. And I always thought the german concert audiences was lame..

Anways, the beer in that pub was ace and I got to talk to the singe of the band “Moonrape” a litte, who turned out to be german. He was a nice guy.

Street Artist

Really cool and recommendable was the Comedy Club “The Stand”. It has a free impro show and homemade lunch every sunday. The Chili they gave me was hands down the best I ever ate. The show was ridiculously funny, too. 2 talented comedians were weaving clues and comments from the audience into hillarious sketches and scenes. Half of the jokes were on the english goalie of course, who had failed to prevent the american team from scoring the night before in the most stupid way imaginable. The scots would not miss such a chance to joke about the english of course.

National Museum of Scotland

All in all I can say that Edinburgh is a wonderful town, Scots are wonderful people, scottish ale is a wonderful beer and haggis actually is surprisingly tasty.

Namaste!

“Because only looking at the goal spoils the joy of travelling” – Friedrich Rückert

Tomorrow my plane leaves to Edinburgh for a vacation and an experiment. I didn’t book anything but the flight and the room. I didn’t make any further plans. I am going completely on my own. I don’t want to keep contact with anyone I know. – I want to be in an unknown enviroment, sourrounded with unkown people and have to orient myself from scratch.

Maybe it will be a catastrophe, maybe it will be marvellous. In any case it will be interesting.

But I am pretty damn nervous actually, It’s going to happen in 6 hours.

I will write when I get back, if I haven’t been made into Haggis!

Namaste

Pic © Hari Mono

Ah well, so I’ll write something again after all.

I actually wanted to write something immensly critical of society, in the philosphic/sociologic way. You know, something of the subversive brew, that only those understand that already know and the ones that could need it don’t care about.

Yes, I wanted to write something about life. You know, life amongst humans. The whole societal game, the trappings and the fundaments.

But then.. well.. things were different. I read 5 lines, 5 powerful lines. Powerful just for me, for everyone else they are just words. But to me they are magical and trigger memories from a time, that has long passed, the past. But: My yesterday is mine alone. Its nothing but an abstract memory in my head. If I forget it, it has never existed. If I forget her.

And so I drift, drift in my memories, helpless if you want, like a leaf on a lake’s surface, bathed by wind. It’s sunny, a little bitter, but sunny. Today. Sunny and beautiful.

All I do today is hold my breath and enjoy the moment.

Namaste!

Pic © Nathan-101